Mar 06 2008
I’m working on it
Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom; mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.~Lao Tzu
The last part of that quote… I’m not even close to mastering anything. No strength or power here, I’m afraid.
I’m a work in progress. I’m not easy.
I’m pretty good when it comes to knowing others. I almost always get a feeling soon after meeting somebody for the first time. I have learned to trust my first impression and my own instincts. I’ve always been sorry when I didn’t. I’m a good listener and people usually feel very comfortable talking to me. Sometimes what they say falls under the heading of “more than I wanted to know”, but that’s OK.
Actually, I’m much better at knowing others than I am at knowing myself. I didn’t really get serious about figuring myself out until I realized my 21 year marriage was a complete failure. I had to take a really close look at myself to determine what part I had played in that. Ultimately, I claimed nearly all the blame. I realized that before I’d ever gotten married, I knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn’t what I wanted. I went into it knowing he had anger issues, didn’t want kids, didn’t share my faith, but I pushed that all away. I actually believed I could “Cure Him”! I was young, foolish and in love. I settled for less; less than I deserved and it was also less than Mr X deserved.
It’s been 14 years since the divorce and I’m still working on knowing myself. So I certainly wouldn’t say I’ve attained true wisdom just yet, but I’m working on it.
The very best job I could ever imagine is one that would pay me to think… and the currency would be wine!
