WillThink4Wine

My regular readers (all 3 of you) already know that I have 3 wonderful sisters. You may not recall that I also have 4 brothers. Three of the brothers have been estranged from the family due to heavy drinking and lifestyle choices that caused them to walk a path that we could not follow.

The oldest brother, who is 4 years my junior, had a heart attack a few years ago. At that time, his doctor told him that if he continued to drink he would surely die. Yesterday, sometime between 10:00AM and 1:00PM, he went into cardiac arrest. The doctor told MotherDear that there was nothing they could do for him and that it wouldn’t be long… With his 2 sons and 2 daughters with him, my parents oldest son died at 2:15 this morning. He would have been 49 in July.

My SisterDears and I are all experiencing the same surreal feeling, like the other shoe has dropped. We aren’t feeling anything in the way of grief that one might expect with the death of a brother, at least not as the adult he had become. It’s very odd, to say the least. I do feel incredible sadness for Dad & MotherDear.  It was devastating news for them, despite all the heartache my brother had put them through over the years. They certainly have no reason to have regrets; they did far more than any reasonable person could expect of parents. They never gave up hope for him. Sad to say this, but I gave that up about 20 years ago.

I also feel sad for my brother’s 4 children and 2 grandchildren. I don’t know them as well as I might have liked because of the lack of relationship with my brother. They haven’t exactly had idyllic childhoods. They had to grow up without ever knowing how wonderful it would be to have a good role model for a father. The boys have a really good mother, thankfully. His daughters, from another union weren’t as lucky and have grown up in foster care for the last 10 years. I can’t imagine what the future holds for them, but I sure hope it’s much better than their past.

I will remember John as he was when he was a young boy full of promise. Poor kid. He had 3 older sisters and then another sister after he was born. We had him surrounded. He finally got his wish to have brothers and then he spent the rest of his life teasing them. He also seemed to take particular delight in tormenting the youngest SisterDear. Right, Miss Piggy?

Maybe he is at peace now.

Tags: Brothers, Family

I got an email forward that got me thinking about my brother. He is one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. Watch our home movies and you will always see one kid with the brightest, widest smile you’ll ever hope to see. That kid will be my sweet brother! He always has the most innocent, serene expression. That is exactly the image my mind always conjures up when I think of him.

He was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance when he was about 20 years old. I have never been clear on his actual diagnosis, so for now I’ll leave it at that. However, without his meds, his behavior has had at least one schizophrenic symptom: he has in the past occasionally heard voices that will encourage him to do things, such as move a picture from the wall into the attic.

He is incapable of telling a lie. Seriously, he’s incapable. To prove my assertion I once asked him to say his name was John. He smiled and said “But my name is ..”. I know dear, but just for fun, say it’s John, just this once. “But it’s not, it’s ..”.

This one observation, recognizing this one ‘flaw in his character’, I believe is key to understanding him as a person. He is so honest because it is inconceivable to him that there is ever a reason to lie, or that anybody might ever lie to him. It is also why he so often gets deeply hurt and let down by all the many ‘normal’ people that cross his path during any given day. He is naive. He is gullible. He will believe anything and everything you tell him. Why shouldn’t he? People wouldn’t lie.

My brother is a Christian, a husband and a father. He is happy, loving, courteous, thoughtful, helpful, frugal, responsible, dependable and hardworking. He is our Dad’s best friend. He lives to be the best Dad in the universe for his daughter.

God doesn’t live under the bed. He lives in my dear brother’s heart.

Tags: Brothers, Chemical Imbalance, Family, Thought for the Day