Mar 20 2008
Oh, Brother
My regular readers (all 3 of you) already know that I have 3 wonderful sisters. You may not recall that I also have 4 brothers. Three of the brothers have been estranged from the family due to heavy drinking and lifestyle choices that caused them to walk a path that we could not follow.
The oldest brother, who is 4 years my junior, had a heart attack a few years ago. At that time, his doctor told him that if he continued to drink he would surely die. Yesterday, sometime between 10:00AM and 1:00PM, he went into cardiac arrest. The doctor told MotherDear that there was nothing they could do for him and that it wouldn’t be long… With his 2 sons and 2 daughters with him, my parents oldest son died at 2:15 this morning. He would have been 49 in July.
My SisterDears and I are all experiencing the same surreal feeling, like the other shoe has dropped. We aren’t feeling anything in the way of grief that one might expect with the death of a brother, at least not as the adult he had become. It’s very odd, to say the least. I do feel incredible sadness for Dad & MotherDear. It was devastating news for them, despite all the heartache my brother had put them through over the years. They certainly have no reason to have regrets; they did far more than any reasonable person could expect of parents. They never gave up hope for him. Sad to say this, but I gave that up about 20 years ago.
I also feel sad for my brother’s 4 children and 2 grandchildren. I don’t know them as well as I might have liked because of the lack of relationship with my brother. They haven’t exactly had idyllic childhoods. They had to grow up without ever knowing how wonderful it would be to have a good role model for a father. The boys have a really good mother, thankfully. His daughters, from another union weren’t as lucky and have grown up in foster care for the last 10 years. I can’t imagine what the future holds for them, but I sure hope it’s much better than their past.
I will remember John as he was when he was a young boy full of promise. Poor kid. He had 3 older sisters and then another sister after he was born. We had him surrounded. He finally got his wish to have brothers and then he spent the rest of his life teasing them. He also seemed to take particular delight in tormenting the youngest SisterDear. Right, Miss Piggy?
Maybe he is at peace now.
12 responses so far
The very best job I could ever imagine is one that would pay me to think… and the currency would be wine!
So true. So Sad. So young.
Please accept my thoughts and prayers on this difficult day. I am sure you are experiencing surreal feelings. Cry when you must.
I feel your pain. Been there. My brother (7 years younger) died just before his 23rd birthday. Drugs and a series of very poor choices ruled him for years. Sadly, I don’t think he understood how he was hurting not only himself, but his family and friends as well. But then, most of the time I think he was too high to care. He would have been 42 this year and I sometimes find myself wondering if he’d have ever gotten his life together. I like to imagine that he would have, and that we’d have a great relationship, but then I wake up and realize that he probably wouldn’t have, and we would be completely estranged. But I must admit that the older I get, the more I hate being an only child.
My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. May your brother rest in peace.
That is so sad. I am so sorry. What a hard thing to deal with. Praying for you and yours.
Oh, that is so sad. It’s so sad to see someone throw their life away like that. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, especially your parents. It must be incredibly difficult for them.
Sorry to hear this. Will keep you and yours in my prayers.
I am so sorry. You’re in my prayers. So much to deal with. I am so sorry.
I feel your pain…as a sister to 2 brothers and 4 more sisters…My youngest brother (50 in Oct) is dying. He was diagnosed with pancreitis cancer just weeks ago, and there is nothing they can do for him. He doesnt want any of us near him, he is pulling away day by day…we just lost our mom in August…I cant bear another family member dying…but he is in such tremendous pain, and I cant bear to watch that either…May God be merciful and guide him with His love…I’m sorry, I got carried away, but it feels so good to “let it out” just now. I came to post on your photo hunt and happened upon your post about your brother. May God rest his soul. I’m Thinking of you!
This is very sad. Part of the sadness will be in the things that might have been category. Perhaps there can now some healing with the other members of his family.
Best wishes for your family.
How sad for you. I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother and the blow to your family.
I don’t have any brothers but my husband had two brothers. One is still with us but the other chose to take his life. It’s very hard when you can’t, or are not given the choice, to help someone. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
What a sadness. We lost a son in an auto/motorcycle accident nearly five years ago. Parents who lose children are never the same, in my experience and the voiced experience of others.
My only words of comfort for your family is that, in time, things will be different than they are now. The keenness of the loss changes with time. You don’t heal, you don’t forget, but it does get different.