WillThink4Wine

I believe that Love is a Verb.

I came of age at the end of the Flower Power post-hippie generation. Love, Love, Love. What that really seemed to mean to me at the time was that everybody had permission to get stoned, sleep around, dress like bums and be disrespectful. I didn’t know anybody who actually did that, although my brother-in-law was in college working on his Master’s in Nuclear Engineering and he did have long hair and holes in his jeans.

I believe that when someone really loves you, really values you deeply, the words “I Love You” need never be spoken. You will feel the love, all the way to the core of your being.

I once convinced my painfully introverted Mr. X to come with me for a weekend up on the river with a dear friend and her husband. I should first tell you that my dear friend is crippled (her words, not mine - she dislikes any politically correct terms. She says “I’m not physically challenged, I’m horizontally gifted!”). I am quite certain that her wonderful hubby would sleep on a bed of nails if it meant that it would give her even a few hours of being free from pain. He would literally surrender his life in exchange for hers. And while he never misses an opportunity to tell her, his actions speak volumes. Oh, he does all the usual tasks; laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning and worked full-time at the Church. He also does extraordinary things; he always gets the coffee pot ready for her before he leaves for work and never forgets to leave an I Love You note near it. He invented a lift to get her from her scooter (she dislikes wheelchairs, they clash with her shoes) into the boat so she could float down the river with him. He planted a small patch of grass on the patio so she wouldn’t have to go through the ordeal of taking her dogs out while he is out on an errand. I could go on and on… My friends, that is Love in action.

Anyway… While driving home after spending the weekend with them I asked Mr. X what he thought of my dear friends. He said, “She treats him like a ****ing slave”.

What? Is that what you saw?

I knew at that exact moment that I would never be able to express to Mr X what I felt was missing in our marriage. If he saw that, what hope did I have with mere words?

I have a niece who’s not actually related to me (her mother and I were friends when she was young, but that’s a story for another time). Her mother and father were divorced badly, and her mother was going through her second divorce. At the time my niece couldn’t understand why they were getting divorced because she knew he loved her mother. I asked her how she knew that. She answered, “Because I heard him tell her”. So I asked her to describe how he treated her. As she described the violent fights, name calling, thrown furniture etc., I saw the light come on in her eyes. So I asked her if she knew that I loved her. She smiled and said “Yes”. I asked her how she knew. She then described all the happy times we’d shared; the sleep-overs, the day-trips, learning to make her first meatloaf, sewing our special pillows, discovering Harry Potter, working in my office, going to the Emeril book-signing, baking cookies, softball games, cello concerts, snuggling up in front of the TV… I don’t have to tell her. She feels it.

Love is a Verb.